Like, doubled over in pain, can’t lay still, want to rip out my uterus with a rusty spoon kind of cramps.
I tried all the different methods of cramp relief. Nothing worked. It was part of being a teenager, so my mother said.
Then I got my own health care coverage. And my own doctor. She gave me birth control. Low dose. I wasn’t having sex, but she said it would balance the hormones.
And did it ever. I was 21.
And for five years now I have be happily enjoying a cramp free existence. That was, until a month ago. That’s when the cramps came back like a bad ex you just can’t shake and still let in your house for drinks when suddenly the next thing you realize you wake up naked next to them and now you can’t get them to leave so you have to call the cops but they say you let them in and it’s your problem so now you and your ex are in the same space and you hate them but they keep wanting to sleep with you.
My cramps came back.
The pain has been subtly increasing since Sunday. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do to make them go away. Save from evicting my uterus.
And we all know what happens when you evict a uterus.